Lougheed "The Barbarian"

Of the four candidates running for VP Admin, the shoe-in for the position seems to be a product of UBC's new Era-Exchange Program. Most people laugh at him because of his appearance, but I believe he has more ability than meets the eye. While his English is a bit underdeveloped and his publicity representative obviously doesn't know the difference between a barbarian and a caveman, Lougheed "The Barbarian" continued to demonstrate his remarkable understanding of the issues at hand.

Intimidation tactics? You decide.

The poor caveman probably hadn't eaten in days judging from his often quiet demeanor and frail arms, and as a result was trying to suck nutrition out of some paper as he approached the podium at the Vanier Press Conference on Friday. As is no doubt the tradition in Lougheed's Era, he was fully expecting to have a morning star battle to the death with his opponents. Imagine his surprise when he realized he didn't have to take the position by force.

Lougheed has some very interesting platform points that he detailed at the conference. He claims that he will "[take the] clubs club[bing]" if he is elected. I'm not sure where he plans to get the money to do that, but it sounds like a great idea. He also claims that he will "destroy [the] resource groups" and balance club bookings and corporate bookings in the sub. When asked about publicity in terms of diversity, and why so much attention is given to ethnic diversity and nearly none is given to financial diversity, Lougheed responded with a heartfelt speech in his native language. Luckily I'm minoring in the *grunt grunt glottal sound* language so I can translate.

As a student coming from a place that is much different that this one, and with little financial support, I believe I can really speak to this question. I intend to expand funding for financial aid so that students in lower income brackets don't have to worry about going thousands of dollars in debt while they study.

He went on to detail how he would accomplish his goals as VP Academic, and how by running for this position he has already accomplished one of the many things he came to our Era to do.

As he approached the lectern to deliver his closing comments, the debate moderator took it away. Insulted, he tore up both Liz Ferris' name tag and his own and sat down. If he can manage to avoid outbursts like that, he has a good shot at winning the race (back to the Pleistocene Era, that is).